Even though I wasn’t in much contact with my Godmother in the past two years, when she died earlier this year, a sudden feeling of sadness and emotional pain filled me up with tears pouring down my cheeks. There was the feeling of guilt too, for not being in touch, not making phone calls recently. Even knowing that she is now where only love and joy exist, the best anyone can ever wish to experience, well…it didn’t lift my emotional pain up much.

How do you deal with losing someone you love?

You accept that the whole range of emotions will go through you and you allow yourself to grieve. Many people report feeling a state of numbness at first, some go into denial, disbelief, anger or guilt (my case). There is also the emotional state of shock, sadness, confusion, yearning and despair added into the mix. In no standard order, you may experience all of these emotions and even question the stability of your mental health. When you do, be assured that these feelings are healthy and appropriate and will help you come to terms with your loss.

It takes time to fully absorb the impact of a major loss.

Remember that and allow yourself to mourn and grieve.

Grieving is the outward expression of your loss. Allow yourself to express it at all levels if needed: physical, emotional, and psychological. You may want to cry or be angry or just sit feeling sad. It is very important to allow yourself to express these feelings. Do not suppress them. It is tempting to shift the focus somewhere else, like work for example, and not talk about death at all. At first, it may seem helpful to separate yourself from the pain, but someday those feelings will need to be resolved and may cause physical or emotional illness.

Living With Grief

Coping with death is vital to your mental health. It is only natural to experience grief when a loved one dies. The best thing you can do is allow yourself to grieve. There are many ways to cope effectively with your pain.

Seek out caring people. Find relatives and friends who can understand your feelings of loss. Join support groups with others who are experiencing similar losses.

Express your feelings. Tell others how you are feeling; it will help you to work through the grieving process.

Take care of your health. Maintain regular contact with your family physician and be sure to eat well and get plenty of rest. Be aware of the danger of developing a dependence on medication or alcohol to deal with your grief.

Accept that life is for the living. It takes effort to begin to live again in the present and not dwell on the past.

Postpone major life changes. Try to hold off on making any major changes, such as moving, remarrying, changing jobs or having another child. You should give yourself time to adjust to your loss.

Be patient. It can take months or even years to absorb a major loss and accept your changed life.

Seek outside help when necessary. If your grief seems like it is too much to bear, seek professional assistance to help work through your grief. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to seek help.

Helping Others Grieve

If someone you care about has lost a loved one, you can help them through the grieving process.

Share the sorrow. Allow them — even encourage them — to talk about their feelings of loss and share memories of the deceased.

Don’t offer false comfort. It doesn’t help the grieving person when you say “it was for the best” or “you’ll get over it in time.” Instead, offer a simple expression of sorrow and take time to listen.

Offer practical help. Baby-sitting, cooking and running errands are all ways to help someone who is in the midst of grieving.

Be patient. Remember that it can take a long time to recover from a major loss. Make yourself available to talk.

Encourage professional help when necessary. Don’t hesitate to recommend professional help when you feel someone is experiencing too much pain to cope alone.

Looking to The Future

Remember, with support, patience and effort, you will survive grief. Some day the pain will lessen, leaving you with cherished memories of your loved one.

Advise source: Mental Health America